I think I won the penis lottery.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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