mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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