I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
