So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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