i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think my vagina is haunted
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
