I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
