I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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