My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
