real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we made out on top of his cat.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
