Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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