I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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