Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize