Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
