What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
