I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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