last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
