Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize