Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
