chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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