I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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