I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
