remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
