Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my poor anus
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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