i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
