Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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