and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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