There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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