I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
