The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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