just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
