The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
