A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
