just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize