i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
