I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
