FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
