I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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