yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
