it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
