who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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