I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
