my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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