At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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