hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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