we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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