Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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