What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize