we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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