At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
