Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
