How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have post one night stand depression
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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