i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
