the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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