I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
