It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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