I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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