I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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