we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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