We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
