I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize