i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Randomize
