It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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