As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
