She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
