They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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