im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize