If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
