the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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