Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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