I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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